THE LIVING END

It ain't fair, John Sinclair

2011-12-31T08:02:00.001Z

I'M A RUIN U CUNT

2011-12-29T08:04:00.000Z

Ditchin XL and dissin Nicki Minj. I'd love the bitch even if she wasn't RUDE.

2011-12-27T16:31:00.000Z

CAPPER

2011-12-19T12:31:00.002Z

2011-12-09T11:49:00.001Z

POOR
PEOPLE
SHUFFLE UP!

2011-12-01T09:53:00.001Z

Thus they easily arrive at an exaltation of experimental literature as necessarily revolutionary. However, they may neglect the fact that the ideology is never simply in the message, but in the position of the message in the general social discourse, and in the position of its producers in the social formation.

Two pieces of wisdom from my Pa.

2011-11-29T14:18:00.003Z

1.

2.

"If you cut yourself off from a part of life, the rest of yours becomes shaped entirely by the piece that is missing."

2011-11-29T11:15:00.000Z

WIZARD

2011-11-28T10:27:00.005Z

If the intention of a maze was to "overwhelm with wonder" and so the root of amaze, originally meant to "stupefy, to make crazy", and so on to amazing, then how did revolt become so revolting?

ALSO SHORT NOTE ON DEATH OF COOL: In its brief contemporary context, cool has gone from meaning 'the ability to discern shit that doesn't matter and so not have to give a shit about it', to 'mindless enthusiasm for anything one does not yet know'.

1 for the boys: You love her right?

2011-11-25T10:46:00.001Z

2011-11-20T09:11:00.000Z

ACAB

2011-10-03T21:19:00.002+01:00

But then there are all sorts of C's.

Mr Don't-Give-a-Fuck still won't leave

2011-09-23T09:11:00.003+01:00

WW, never no more to trouble you trouble you

2011-07-27T09:01:00.001+01:00

is this depressing? i can't tell. if i was wordy, i'd be well pissed tho.

BOYS ARE STUPID AND THE BIBLE IS WRONG

2011-07-26T08:15:00.000+01:00

Snakes are the answer.

GOOD TO SEE YOU

2011-07-12T15:52:00.001+01:00

NOT

2011-07-10T12:09:00.000+01:00

I DON'T LIKE AMERICA

2011-07-08T12:59:00.000+01:00

A TOAST TO THE FUTURE

2011-07-03T11:35:00.001+01:00

“You are the same today that you are going to be in five years from now except for two things: the people with whom you associate and the books you read.” Charles Jones, Gardener

CRY BABY

2011-07-03T09:44:00.001+01:00

NEVER BE A CRITIC!

2011-06-18T19:46:00.001+01:00

even so, a v. sweet, v. appreciated review of my first book: click!

when i first saw you i really thought you were a wet dream come but now i know that you don't care about somebody else's...

2011-06-16T22:14:00.002+01:00

NITEMARE

2011-06-09T20:25:00.000+01:00

MODERN MISOGYNY

2011-06-07T11:12:00.002+01:00

"people who listen to noise music but still talk about women like it's the 1950s."

Bob Marley on Mick Jagger:

2011-05-22T08:10:00.001+01:00

2011-05-18T10:26:00.000+01:00

FAO: Mykola Baal

2011-05-17T10:55:00.002+01:00

DO SOME WORK

2011-05-16T09:19:00.002+01:00

a reason not to follow the news

2011-05-16T08:54:00.003+01:00

"I have no problem believing that Bin Laden was a hypocrite. But I also have no problem believing that the US government is a liar. Hence I have no opinion one way or other as to the existence of Bin Laden's alleged porn collection." Roderick T. Long

2011-05-15T16:03:00.000+01:00

WHAT IS IT YOU CUNT FACE

2011-05-13T18:24:00.000+01:00

2011-05-05T07:17:00.006+01:00

FLORENCE?

http://tinyurl.com/6ru5m24

People I like...

2011-05-04T22:35:00.001+01:00

who like me too...(click!)

MORE FAMOUS THAN MOST

2011-04-28T08:30:00.004+01:00

STRICTLY AMATEUR

2011-04-15T09:51:00.001+01:00

FUCK THE CORPORATE WORLD BITCH: my publisher's van

E2

2011-04-13T16:03:00.001+01:00

who jah bless, no one curse

2011-03-23T08:03:00.004Z

If you type NONE WHO JAH LOVE into Google, this is the first thing that comes up: -

And you're trying to tell me it's not a conspiracy?

don't look back in anger what a wanker

2011-03-23T07:13:00.001Z

BEADY EYE

2011-03-16T22:16:00.002Z

I have been thriving off the concept of Beady Eye but have up until this point been too scared too actually listen to them. Now I've done it. Frankly it's embarrassing. but for the same reasons i loathe and revile almost everyone alive for doing this, for some reason, when Liam does it....

I Am So Sad.

THE HARDY TREE

2011-03-07T12:37:00.002Z

A story about Gang Mentality
By ME/Iphgenia Baal
Published by Trolley, soon (June) 2011

ANAGRAM

2011-03-07T08:12:00.001Z

PAGAN ALIBI EH
IPHGENIA BAAL

2011-02-11T14:01:00.001Z

http://www.trolleybooks.com/bookSingle.php?bookId=228

http://www.trolleybooks.com/bookSingle.php?bookId=228

http://www.trolleybooks.com/bookSingle.php?bookId=228

http://www.trolleybooks.com/bookSingle.php?bookId=228

http://www.trolleybooks.com/bookSingle.php?bookId=228

http://www.trolleybooks.com/bookSingle.php?bookId=228

http://www.trolleybooks.com/bookSingle.php?bookId=228

http://www.trolleybooks.com/bookSingle.php?bookId=228

http://www.trolleybooks.com/bookSingle.php?bookId=228

I AM BOB MARLEY

2011-02-11T08:44:00.001Z

three little birds outside my window
ha ha

2011-02-10T12:11:00.000Z

Balloon Street, Manchester

i hate everyone i know

2011-01-24T14:13:00.000Z

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AMOUNT OF PEOPLE LOOKING FOR SPEED GARAGE

2011-01-19T15:10:00.001Z

A LOT OF LITHUANIANS IN WEST BROMWICH.

Time

2011-01-05T08:15:00.001Z

goes fastest when you are on your back. Is this cos you are more streamlined with the earth's spin through space and so put up less resistance?

DRU +M BASS VIBES DUB

2011-01-04T21:49:00.001Z

this, on the other hand RULES

2011-01-04T21:42:00.002Z

I'LL JUST MURDA THEM. PUSSIES.

i don't even LIKE this song that much, but they said it and it fits

2011-01-04T21:39:00.001Z

2011-01-04T21:32:00.000Z

Masters, as they were, of nothing, they had seen nothing in their lives to compare with it.

THE PAST:

2011-01-04T12:02:00.001Z

IS AN ENEMY FROM WHICH WE ALL MUST ESCAPE.

ALLBRAN

2010-12-31T10:16:00.005Z

ORIGINAL INKJET LASER PRINTS AVAILABLE FOR 2.5K. EDITION OF 9.

Other People's Lives

2010-12-30T23:29:00.002Z

are mundane.

2010-12-30T20:19:00.002Z

how do you describe something indescribably awful? so difficult

UNEXPECTED ?

2010-12-27T12:25:00.003Z

He was forever bashing out bitter letters to his publishers and his agents, complaining about perceived slights to his authorial dignity. When he finally threatened to leave Knopf, his editor Robert Gottlieb was only too happy to show him the door. “Let me reverse your threat,” he wrote to Dahl. “Unless you start acting civilly to us, there is no possibility of our agreeing to publish you. Nor will I—or any of us—answer any future letter that we consider to be as rude as those we’ve been receiving.

2010-12-27T12:23:00.002Z

“Imagine a number of men in chains, all under sentence of death, some of whom are each day butchered in the sight of the others; those remaining see their own condition in that of their fellows, and looking at each other with grief and despair await their turn. This is an image of the human condition.”

2010-12-27T12:23:00.001Z

HOUELLEBECQ

I hadn’t seen any novel make the statement that entering the workforce was like entering the grave. That from then on, nothing happens and you have to pretend to be interested in your work.

INTERVIEWER

According to the narrator in Whatever, “one hates the young.”

HOUELLEBECQ

That’s the other part of the trap. The first is professional life, the fact that nothing else is going to happen to you. The second is that now there’s this person who will replace you and who will have experiences. This leads to the natural hatred of the father for his offspring.

INTERVIEWER

The father and not the mother?

HOUELLEBECQ

Yes. There is some kind of physiological and psychological change in a woman when she gets pregnant. It’s animal biology. But fathers don’t give a shit about their offspring. Hormonal things occur, things that no culture can do anything about, that generally make women like children and men basically not give a damn.

2010-12-25T11:20:00.001Z

2010-11-05T08:10:00.000Z

2010-10-22T15:37:00.002+01:00

A bit of truth that is too heavy to put anywhere other than somewhere that people don't read

2010-08-01T20:32:00.000+01:00

After my ex-boyfriend's brother killed himself, my ex asked me one thing.
"Don't let me take cocaine anymore."
I agreed, but said there was little I could do.
"I know it killed him," he said.
I knew too.
Everyone knew.
"Just please help me," he said.
And I said I would.
For the next three days, a small crew of us hung out at the house, then he got a phone call and had to go and choose a coffin. My ex said he would call me after. I went to buy food and flowers. He never called. The next day I called him. He answered the phone quiet and slurring.
"Gems?" he said. "I've been up all night."
He had gone to meet Lily and Robbie (Allen and Furze). The first thing they had done was pick up coke and take him out on a bender.

Never had an honest conversation with him since.

DEPRESSING:

2010-07-17T11:06:00.003+01:00

THE
DEFINING
OF
SELF
THROUGH
CATEGORISATION
OF
EPHEMERA
PERTAINING
TO
MODERN CULTURE.

----------------------------

2010-07-17T11:02:00.004+01:00

DUST TO DUST
FUNK TO FUNKY
WE ALL KNOW MAJOR TOM'S A JUNKIE.

---------------------------------------

2010-06-01T16:43:00.000+01:00

SPAMMERS ARE PEOPLE TOO

2010-04-28T06:30:00.001+01:00

Alphabetty Spaghetti

2010-03-30T11:59:00.001+01:00

The methods with which we express ourselves are as evocative as what it is we are trying o say. Doubtless there is some mystery as to why some people ‘have’ to paint or write, as doubtless there are certain ideas that pertain better to various art forms.
As society’s ideas have progressed, so have many of the methods we use in order express them, often becoming so accepted that we barely notice their implication.

Take recorded music as the most obvious. It is undeniable that the experience of listening to music being played by a person sitting in front of you is different from putting on a record – a definitive and finite version of song – and listening to it. When you play records, are you actually listening to music? You say you are, but what you are actually doing is listening to a recording of music. A ‘here is one I made earlier’. This disconnection does a lot of things, but to sum up over a century of its use, it basically makes pop stars. This may or may not be a bad thing, I could debate it either way, but without sounding too obnoxious: I can’t be bothered.

What I am instead making blind stabs in the dark at is the invisibility of this relatively new medium. Music is so much a part of our lives, yet the major way in which we engage with it has a sinister aspect of removal from the thing it actually is.

When records were on vinyl they were an art form in themselves; assuredly, one which utilised another to validate its existence, simultaneously to packaging and promoting said art form in a way it could be distributed to the masses. But this way only the beginning. As recorded music has ‘progressed’ onto CD, then mp3, the actual physical thing, which carries the music has all but disappeared from our consciousness. What is the difference between ridges on vinyl and a computer file? Or, more importantly, what does this difference mean?

The earliest form of writing, dating from about 9000 years ago from the famous Mesopotatoeheads was in the form of carving. The content – as has been drummed into me by Radio 4 - was NOT poetry. It was about money, and ownership (little change there then). But it is not primarily the content I am concerned with here.

In those early days of self-expression, in order to make a mark the writer negotiated with something that already existed. This initial act of writing was carving, a method that consisted with the removal of something from something else. Similar to sculpture, where a piece of stone can be said to ‘reveal’ the Madonna within it, early writing engaged with the world by bending objects to express their whim.

Consider the actual physical act of carving and what it is expressive of: its making an impact upon something else. Today, according to various psychologists, carving is associated with depression, but that is not really what I am getting at. Carving requires an exertion, a physical effort, and surely the human instinct it reveals is one of struggle and enterprise. It is an interaction with the world in order to make sense.

Anyone who has ever done any painting will know, that it is not the brushstrokes you make, but the brushes you leave out, which make an image. When you are making a painting, it is not the outlines of shapes which make the image make sense, but the space in between the objects, and how they relate to each other, which creates the ‘truth’ of a picture.

This was evidently once true of writing, but not so any longer.

Now when we write, we are adding to things. Sure, it is still the same contrast, which allows a reader to make sense, but the writer is no longer writing into something, but writing onto it. Now we cover something up, in order to make a mark. I don’t think I need an extra metaphor to get across the intrinsic difference in intention that this reveals.

So what is the actual difference between the content and method of early writing - making an impact upon a surface to signify ownership and authority – and modern day writing - leisurely passing a pen over paper in order to find beauty and truth, or just writing a shopping list? It is hard to tell, and as writing is now so widespread, no doubt in many circumstances it barely matters. Perhaps the only people it matters to are those stuck in the profession, once the endeavour o the most powerful people in a society, and now a set of largely ignored and unsuccessful types: writers. To consider argument, plot and execution for a writer is important, but perhaps more so is thinking about what exactly it is you are doing when you tap away at a keyboard and little black lines form at your will on the constant light of your Apple Mac.

P.S. Also, I don’t want to let you leave under the impression that the content of early writing was in any way superior to what we do today. In fact, most of the oldest surviving texts concern the celebration of booze.

P. P.S. The Iron Age Celts didn't ever write things down but passed on their knowledge, stories and poems by word of mouth. They were a highly sophisticated society, for their day and knew about the existence of writing, only preferred to learn everything by heart. I am not asserting the significance of this, only to draw a conjecture with the method of learning used n British schools up until recently – when lessons consisted of parrot style regurgitation. This method of teaching has largely been abandoned, but why? There is something to be said for knowing something off by heart, so that 70 years later you can still recite it word for word. Does this prompt a better understanding of the material? Or is it merely a glib ownership of the surface of something? Who knows.

I don't go to clubs.

2010-03-29T16:26:00.001+01:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R54xrcjgzJQ&has_verified=1

The Brat

2010-03-29T15:42:00.000+01:00

My Favourite Phobias

2010-03-12T08:52:00.003Z

That there is a name for all these things, which must mean someone sometime once suffered from it makes me feel one fuck of a lot better about, er, something.

Allodoxaphobia: Fear of opinions

Arachibutyrophobia: Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth. So sweet.

Chronophobia: Fear of time

Dikephobia: Of justice

Cherophobia: Fear of joviality

Bacillophobia: Of microbes

Euphobia: Of hearing good news

Barophobia: Of gravity.

Autophobia: Of being oneself

Gnosiophobia: Of knowledge

Oneirogmophobia: Of wet dreams

Eleutherophobia: Of freedom

Ecophobia: Of home.

Iophobia: (just cos its almost how you spell my name but) of poison.

Phobophobia: Phobia of phobias

Personally, I'd just go for Panophobia. Fear of everything.

*Nicked off a site with the charming disclaimer: If you are looking for a phobia that is not on the list, I'm sorry but I don't have it.

To Einstein not only did God not play dice with the universe, the universe didn't play at all.

2008-12-02T12:47:00.005Z

Imagine a person on the top of a moutain with a clear view of each of the peaks and valleys until the mountain range's end. Then, imagine another person strapped to a train track with a metal sphere around their head and an eight foot pole to look out through.

Moronic Acid

2008-11-16T18:28:00.003Z

....That's All Folks

2008-11-07T11:36:00.013Z

Calchus, a Celtic soothsayer was said to have predicted the moment of his death. On getting to it and finding himself still breathing, he chuckled to himself, before starting to laugh so hard he choked himself.

Greek philosopher Chryssipus fed his donkey wine. It seem watching the drunken mule try to eat figs tickled him so, he laughed until he dropped down dead.

King Martin I of Aragon died from indigestion after eating and laughing too much at once.

Pietro Aretino, an Italian playwright suffocated from getting the giggles.

Nanda Bayin, King of Burma, Nanda Bayin laughed to expiration after being told Venice was a free state.

Scottish aristo Thomas Urquhart died laughing after hearing that Charles II had taken the throne.

And the most accurate, on 24 March 1975 Alex Mitchell, a bricklayer from Kings' Lynn laughed himself to death watching an episode of The Goodies where a Scotsman battles a black pudding with bagpipes. After twenty-five minutes of hysterics Mitchell died of heart failure. His widow sent The Goodies a letter thanking them for making Mitchell's final moments so amusing.

In 1989 Ole Bentzen, a Danish audiologist died laughing at A Fish Called Wanda. His heartbeat was estimated at between 250 and 500 per minute before he succumbed to cardiac arrest.

In 2003 Damnoen Saen-um, A Thai ice-cream seller died laughing in his sleep. His wife tried to wake him up but he stopped breathing after 2 minutes of the giggles.

a poem reasoning what is time which stopped making sense when i made it rhyme.

2008-11-03T09:49:00.001Z

Time is a sausage and thyme is a herb.
Time is a doing word but not a verb.

The present divides the future and past
What could happen next and what happened last.

Black holes, mountains tops or the equator
Force us to make time early or later.

Linear, cyclical, dilation, space,
Pastimes and good times or one moment’s grace.

The time of the season or of our lives
Nothing which makes up these things will survive

Running and passing and ticking on clocks
Metering out evenings with each of its tocks.

We live in a bubble where time is squeak.
But you will forget that this time next week.

Bugs & Brats

2008-10-24T11:51:00.002+01:00

if i owned this i swear i would wear it every single hour of every single day.

2008-10-15T22:56:00.003+01:00

2008-09-11T19:50:00.002+01:00

"we are entering a second dark age, an anti-intellectual grey zone. We will witness the death of the book in our lifetime and mass retreat into stupidity and superstition. Spend all your time and money on learning because in 20 years everyone will be too busy scrabbling in dirt for food and water to discuss Camus or Revolution. " SL

The lovers, the dreamers & me....

2008-08-07T14:39:00.001+01:00

£6 please.

2008-06-17T11:02:00.006+01:00

This photo is borrowed and may be misleading people in the actual line up of this band.
The people within are in fact Mic on guitar, Mark, in the dodgy sheepskin and Mic's daughter, Melanie on tambourine.

I was stalking my friend Daniel Treacy on l’internet and found out that this guy called Jowe Head from Swell Maps played bass in the TVPs for a bit. So then I started perving on him and found a record label called Topplers [http://www.topplers.net/] that gave you all sorts of my favourite sort of terrible music for free. Going through all these bands, I found these guys: Pioneers of bad music, a band determined to make not a penny out of their songs, they gave away free cassettes, played free shows and sung about it. Meet my new love, The Instant Automatons.

Maybe completely by chance I downloaded their most FAMOUS song (ha ha). You can have it too....http://www.instant-automatons.com/mp3/albums/well/04-PeopleLaughAtMe.mp3

Record company people are shaaaady. So
kids watch your back
cos I think they smoke crack
I don’t doubt it.
Look at how they ackt.

I found Mark Automaton and decided to grace this terrible blog with its first interview. I hope, that in reading it you can’t tell that I was ever some sort of professional journalist. I hope the information contained herein in confusing, misspelt and without any sort of preachy, argument about what everyone chooses to do with their lives. I just like this. Here is mine and Mark Automatons conversation, all but unedited.

Me: You always put your music on cassettes. Cos, I guess, if you were making it yourself, that was all there was. Peeps now have a thing about collecting vinyl, as if its better (me) than MP3s, or cataloguing their CD collection. Do you think the format of music matters? At all?

Mark: As an ex-practitioner of music (as opposed to merely a listener), I’ve always thought that the medium is very much not the message. When the Automatons began their recording career, technology – even “state of the art” technology, which was about as far as you could get from the gear we were forced to use – was pretty crude. By today’s standards, anyhow. Some people, in hindsight, have referred to us as “lo-fi pioneers”, but really we were just doing the best we could with the equipment we could afford. We didn't want our recordings to be drowning in tape-hiss; it was an unfortunate by-product of our sub-standard equipment and methods, and we just put up with it or attempted to reduce it as much as was practicable. I can’t deny that cassettes were a boon when it came to taking control of the means of production and distribution of our work, but if CDs had been around at the time I’m sure we would have utilised them instead. Having taken the time to write what I hoped were meaningful lyrics and construct a suitable musical framework to hold them, I wanted my songs to be conveyed as clearly as possible to whomever was going to be listening to them and I didn't want tape-hiss and analogue mud getting in the way (although inevitably it did).

MP3s are an even better and more immediate way to deliver music, short of injecting it directly into people’s brains. Although I don’t currently own an iPod or similar device, I like the idea of being able to carry around your whole music collection in your pocket. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that the only difference I perceive in those various music-delivery methods is the extent to which they “get in the way” of the music itself – if that makes sense?

Me: You called your gang Pioneers of Bad Music. Why do you think, even people who kick against the pricks still feel the need to name movements, genres etc etc

Mark: Humans have an innate need to name and organize and classify everything, because we (as a species) just can’t handle the idea that everything is just random chaos. We’ve even “classified” this process by giving it a name (taxonomy). It’s only natural, therefore, that the arts fall victim to this process along with everything else.

More often than not, “movements” in the arts are identified and labeled by critics and/or the public, rather than the artists themselves, unless the artists involved are trying to make some sort of point (like the Surrealists or the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood). I suppose the term “Bad Music” was coined ironically to second guess what a lot of people would think of it anyway. Personally, I never liked that particular label because I felt it implied that proponents of so-called “Bad Music” had to be unable to play instruments or construct recognisable “tunes” – which wasn’t the case. The main philosophy behind this movement was (as I saw it) similar to conceptual art – that the initial idea is more important than the final product. If the attitude of the “Bad Music Movement” could be summed up in one sentence, it would probably (unbelievably enough) be in a line from a song by Lisa Loeb:

“I will not judge you by the way you play your instrument”

Me: Wait! I have missed things. I am guessing most people won't know who you are. I barely know who you are. so, who are you? I should have put this at the beginning.

Mark: I suppose I could be lazy and just point you to either the Biography page on the Automatons website (www.waterden.net/history.asp) but I’ll give you a potted history:

The Instant Automatons were me (Mark Lancaster), Protag (Martin Neish) and Mic Woods. We flourished between 1977 and 1982 and were instrumental in the establishment of the cassette-swapping network that formed the backbone of the so-called UK DIY Music scene. Geographically, we came from North Lincolnshire (or South Humberside as it was called then) and Woolwich (Mic). Artistically, I suppose we were originally forged in the crucible of Punk – although the mix was considerably adulterated by influences from other musical areas.

Me: Done. And, do they still exist?

Mark: Only in the hearts and minds of those who remember us! We all still exist as people – in that none of us are dead yet – but the band no longer exists, and it’s highly unlikely – for multiple reasons – that we’ll ever play together again.

Me: Free music. Should all music be free? If you had to explain how you think music relates to the music industry, as in um, a spoon is to lighter as ovaries are to sperm....how would you describe their relationship?

Mark: How about “music is to the music industry as Eastern European prostitutes are to their Russian gangster pimps”?

More seriously: I have always stressed that my views on non-profit music are entirely personal – I would never presume to preach to anyone who wanted to make a living from their art; it’s just not what I want to do.

Me: What is the problem with punk?

Mark: Is there a problem with punk? Does “punk” even still exist? If there was ever a “problem” with the original movement, I think it was possibly that it was eventually overwhelmed by wannabes who didn’t understand the original motivating force and just wanted to pose at the 100 Club or The Roxy wearing safety pins and ripped bin liners.

Me: But they're not pressed in red, so they buy The Lurkers instead?

Mark: Earlier today I thought it was quite amusing to hear the lead singer of The Zutons launching a pathetic attack on The Sex Pistols after playing with them at the Isle of Wight festival. The core of his discontent seemed to be the fact that John Lydon had once appeared on “I’m A Celebrity – Get Me Out Of Here” – nothing to do with the music at all. Of course, there’s a venerable tradition in music of new bands slagging off their predecessors – the Pistols did it themselves – but the Pistols were at the core of a movement that irrevocably changed the face of modern music. Exactly how much have The Zutons changed the music scene, with their extensive catalogue of incendiary, life-altering songs such as…er…um…? I wonder: will The Zutons be playing the Isle of Wight festival in 30 years time? I think we all know the answer to that.

Me: Can you take out bets for that? Make some money? Cos K.A.$.H. you gotta do something for it. And you gotta do the things you love too. So, you do both, together, separately, what?

Mark: I think the point that Protag makes exceptionally well in the interview we did for Chainsaw fanzine is totally valid; that no matter what you do, if you do it for money you'll end up at some point not wanting to do it. So as far as getting money is concerned, I do it in a way that has little or nothing to do with artistic endeavour. My artistic efforts (predominantly photography nowadays) are still created as and when I feel like it, and usually given away to people I like. If I wake up one morning and decide I don’t want to take photographs any more, I don’t have to. No one’s going to starve or be made homeless. I suppose my philosophy was neatly summed-up by George Eastman (founder of Kodak) when he said, “What we do during our working hours determines what we have; what we do in our leisure hours determines what we are.”

The End.

who named the oceans ?

2008-04-24T18:04:00.002+01:00

i can only find two answers so far. there is the pacific, comes from the latin mare pacifium, meaning peaceful sea. the modern version was bestowed upon it by Ferdinand Magellan, a Portugese maritime explorer in the late 15th/early 16th century. He was also the first known man to successfuly circumnavigate the entire globe. He discovered the Pacific by going through a strait of water passing through Argentina, now named the Magellan Straits. Obv why. (i think he might be a new addition to my dream dinner party list).

the other one i found is the atlantic, which isn't as interesting. during the period when ancient greece dominated the world, people assumed what part of the atlantic they could see was not an ocean but a river, flowing around the entirety of their flat discus of a world. so, it makes sense that the first part of the word atlantic refers to atlas - the guy whose job it was to carry us round on his shoulder.

i can't believe the indian ocean is only called the indian ocean, i mean, it is the 3rd biggest (but also the calmest) ocean in the world (which is why the East India Company was so wildly successful and I guess why Britain then conquered and ruled the country, since trade across the waters dividing them was so easy). It was known as the Western Ocean by Chinese traders, but even that seems weirdly Anglicised. Maybe I am being spastic. What is Chinese for Western?

It does seem strange it should be named after the country on one side of it. Why isn't it the Madagascan Ocean? And what did people call it before westerners discovered India? Or before Indians knew there was something waiting to fuck them over on the other side of it?

James Blunt.

2008-04-12T15:23:00.002+01:00

Before James Blunt was James Blunt my friend dated him. So, when James Blunt became James Blunt I found it even funnier/more irritating than most. However, there has been a turnaround in events. This is, to the great man himself, the most important moment in James Blunt's career.

Charles Holden (1875-1960)

2008-04-06T13:02:00.004+01:00

Charles Holden was the architect responsible for nearly every London Underground Station built in the 1920s and 1930s, mostly the Northern and Piccadilly Lines. Some of his designs were only built in 1940s due to lack of funds, those are mostly on the Central Line out west. He also made Senate House, London's first skyscraper - though it seems teeny now. Much as I appreciate ole Norman Foster's attempt at designing buildings which are supposed to symbolise what exactly modern London is, I don't think he comes close to Mr. C. Holden's Tube. Art Deco for public buildings - no lumps or bumps or superfluous bits, each section functions perfectly and none of them have fallen down. They might only be ticket halls but I think they are nicer to sit in than Buckingham Palace. Even if Buckingham Palace was shrunk down and put inside the penthouse of the Gerkhin (which, if you didnae know is still on the market. no one bought it cos it is crazy expensive but you can make appointments with Foxtons, if you pull of pretending to be loaded, they will show you round it.)

Who designed London's Victorian sewers? Bazelgette. Almost like a simile.

Frog Blog.

2008-04-06T12:19:00.002+01:00

The most romantic thing I have ever heard.

2008-03-28T09:49:00.003Z

Someone said goodbye, they whispered in my ear.

"Don't Remember the Bad Bits."

babybabybabybabybaby

2008-03-06T13:15:00.004Z

Lots of people I know are having babies. Someone I met but don't know had a baby who was born completely deaf. She has these huge speakers that sit on her kitchen floor at home and her little one got up, wobbled over to one of the speakers and pressed his whole body right up against it. After a few seconds he started bouncing to the bassbassbassline cos he could hear it, just as vibrations.

Last Words.

2008-02-22T17:00:00.003Z

"Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven't said enough!"
Karl Marx

"Where am I...What the hell? Oh God dammit no!...I couldn't find the left foot sock. Is it under the chair?"
Josef Stalin

"Friends applaud, the comedy is over."
Ludwig van

"My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or other of us has got to go."
Oscar Wilde

"I can't sleep."
J. M. Barrie

"Does no one understand it?"
James Joyce

I don't know if anyone cares or not /// But I have never liked you idiots.

2008-02-22T08:29:00.006Z

The entire universe is made up of matter in different states. All matter is made up of atoms and atoms of subatomic particles. I know from school that every subatomic particle has a positive or negative charge.

For every particle with a positive or negative charge, there must be a particle with the opposite charge to balance its existence. So all existing matter has antimatter as its counterpart.

If that is the case, then where is all the antimatter in the universe? You cannot see the two side by side cos, when they come into contact they repel or cancel each other out and boom! disappear.

But how can matter exist without antimatter? the physical universe is existing, unbalanced. The solution to the mystery can only be that there are two planes of reality coexisting in the same spacetime but out of contact with each other. *** i did not figure any of this out on my own. But, i do understand that this is why life always seems so unfair.

2008-02-18T23:06:00.003Z

hard to watch her suffer but with the 2nd shot she died....

2008-02-14T19:00:00.003Z

i did forget it was valentines today and went for a walk in a cemetery. i have never seen it so full. people standing by the lovers', wives' and husbands' gravestones with flowers.

I evolve but I don't revolve.

2008-02-09T15:51:00.001Z

another dumb one. generally accepted music started in africa right? as drumming.

out of that have evolved 2 quite disparate things. first you have the MODERN POP MUSIC INDUSTRY in all its glory. but you see, drums were used for parties and prayer and all that but ALSO as communication between tribes, far flung around jungle and desert. SO......the second thing, which, if you follow the chain along, which has evolved from ugga bugga's early sonic efforts is...YES!!! the mobile phone.

two evils of the modern world? or what we have all been living for all along.

it all comes together in the rather awesome form of. yeah. you know.

OH MY DAYZ blud HAVE YOU HEARD MY NEW RINGTONE???

it's all so fucking poetic.

I'm In The Milk And The Milk's in Me!

2008-02-05T09:45:00.001Z

Most people know Maurice Sendak. Where The Wild Things Are... and Mickey in the Midnight Kitchen has become the default slip-in-to-conversation pieces if you are talking to someone of your own age who is cool enough for you to have little in common with.

PLus Spike Jonze's decision to make Where The Wild THings Are... into a feature film SOON TO HIT THE BIG SCREEN has sent a lot of us back to boxes in attic's to dig out childhood favourites. Quite how he intends to turn the 10 minute read into a hour+ long film without adding incredibly irritating plot sequences and morals, I don't know. We shall see.

Spike is, however, not the first at having a go at bringing Sendak's creations to celluloid and while I am not over the moon about his attempt, he at least had the grace to include the book's original author in the credits.

Many of the same generation who gazed in awe at the ink Sendak put to paper have the fellow cornerstone of their development of David Bowie in Labyrinth. Loads of people's favourite film. Oddly, writers Jim Henson and Dennis Lee take full credit for the story. They seemed to think that when they fell upon what they obviously imagined to be the 'lesser-known' Sendak story Outside Over There....that no one would ever have heard of it. So true to human grace the pair simply lifted the story....which, to those who know neither goes...

While Ida is busy playing her wonder horn faceless goblins come in through the bedroom window and kidnap her baby sister. So Ida puts on her mother's yellow rain cloak and sets off on a mystical journey into outside over there, to rescue her sister and save her from having to become a nasty goblin's bride. But once she finds the goblin's hiding place she has to employ a very special, clever ftrick before she can carry her sister home to safety. I won't spoil the end.
Buy the book, steal the film and compare. You would think Jim Henson and David Bowie would have enough original ideas of their own. The audacity of success if ever I saw it.

Reading Books. Writing Books.

2008-02-04T20:39:00.001Z

"Books are the only things we have left which don't contrive to steal what little time you have left to yourself. Whether writing or reading."

"You Don't Know Me."

2008-02-04T13:00:00.000Z

"I decree that history shall be rewritten. This time without any punctuation so that it is just one sentence linked together by the phrase "And then what happened was..."

It is odd that US citizens so bemoan their lack of history especially in comparison to the UK but also, more generally when using Europe as a frame of reference (they rarely dare line themselves up against the ancients of the Far or Middle East).

Human history can be traced in two ways. Either through ancestry, in which case theirs is a rich as ours, being one and the same thing until the infamous split of 1776 and conjoining of The Thirteen Colonies. Otherwise, by geography, in which case America can boast a far more varied history than us. Only in their pursuit of freedom, they seem uncomfortable to include the rather awkward point of mass genocide and decades of bullying, starvation and theft (not that the British have that missing but it is a less considerable part of their founding, more their evolution).

hHistory is what it is, there isn't a right or wrong because who can really enforce, punish or reward what goes on over generations, if in their lifetime? If you or your peeps have been (metaphorically) fucked in the ass, all you can really do is lie down, enjoy it and walk like a rudeboy ever after. You can also take some enjoyment from realisation of guilt on the part of the the perpetrator, which usually takes the form of repetition and denial.

"I mean, it is just so sad that we have nothing other than Hollywood and rock 'n' roll to fall back on." It really is just bizarre.

- more on repetition and its convictions through blurred meaning later. and the sorry state of modern rock 'n' roll. which would be fine if it acknowledged it roots. bloody roots.

Patience, Punctuation Mark. Patents?

2008-01-04T12:18:00.000Z

i love inventors. and inventions.

there is a story (which i can't back up) of the first ever british man to make a million going to Lion - a company producing safety matches telling them he had an invention which would save the company millions every year. He asked for £1mil for the idea which was a lot of money for - when shall we place it? The 1960s. Lion umm'ed and ahh'ed for a while but eventually decided to give it go. Having already done the amateur patent (posting his idea in an enveloped to himself, postmarked and kept sealed on receipt) he revealed his eureka moment. only putting the striking pad on one side of the match box. annoyingly simple but with a patent, the deal was sealed.

so, it was with great excitement the other day that i discovered it is possible to patent new punctuation marks!!! imagine the goldmine one could be sitting on.

the most recent application for new punctuation was in 04 with the invention of the Question Comma and the Exclamation Comma. The application read...

Using two new punctuation marks, the question comma and the exclamation comma: and respectively, inquisitiveness and exclamation may be expressed within a written sentence structure, so that thoughts may be more easily and clearly conveyed to readers. The new punctuation marks are for use within a written sentence between words as a comma, but with more feeling or inquisitiveness. This affords an author greater choice of method of punctuating, e.g., to reflect spoken language more closely. Moreover, the new punctuation fits rather neatly into the scheme of things, simply filling a gap, with a little or no explanation needed

i am not convinced of the necessity of these two new punctuation marks. they seem to reflect the only level of inventiveness everyone in the 2000s is capable of; a lazy amalgamating of that which already exists...

so, on that note i leave you with the promise that should i come up with anything better, after it has been signed, sealed and sent myself, any shattering ..., ---, *?! or """/""" i can come up with which may add to the clarity of expressing the written word will be revealed here.

(that is the most obscure and to my mind most uninteresting opening point i could think to make in my first post. its not gonna get any better. nor, more succinct.) [there might be better pictures though].